Miles: Kapitel 69- Jag berättar en del av sanningen

Nästa dag satt jag vid ett bord utanför klassrummet och läste i det häfte jag fått av Xavier, den som psykfall som jag kunde läsa. Han hade skickligt lyckats få bort alla havs-ord och ersatt dem med mindre kopplande synonymer.

    ”Varför är du inte i klassrummet?”

   Jag tittade upp i det sköna ansiktet av Sofia. ”Men hallå där. Och tro inte att jag skolkar, för det gör jag inte. Jag pluggar, precis som ni.” Jag visade häftet.

   ”Men varför är du inte i klassrummet?” upprepade hon sin fråga.

   Jag såg på henne, hennes vänliga ansikte, och bestämde mig för att berätta en bit av sanningen. ”Jo, ehm… Du vet när jag sprang ut ur klassrummet den där dagen?”
    Hon nickade och satte sig ner, som om hon förstod att det skulle bli en längre historia.

   ”Jo…” Jag kollade så att ingen var i närheten. ”Det är så att… För två år sedan var jag med om en olycka, som var kopplad till vatten.” Jag sa det snabbt för att få det ur mig så fort som möjligt. ”Så nu, så fort som jag hör någonting med hav eller båtar… Jag vet inte, det är som om något knäpper till i skallen på mig, det bara…” Jag slöt ögonen, hårt, när minnesbilderna började komma tillbaka medan jag pratade.  ”Alla dessa minnen flimrar framför ögonlocken på mig och… Det gör bara så ont och jag kan inte stänga av det hur mycket jag än…”

   ”Miles.”

   Jag öppnade ögonen och sig in i Sofias. Så varma.

   ”Förlåt.” sa jag lågt.

   ”För vad då?” Hon såg förvånad ut.

   ”För att du måste lyssna på mig när jag är sådär.”

   Hon såg på mig med en tröttsam och menande blick. ”Miles. Jag är din vän. Oavsätt om du har dina svagare stunder eller inte. Oavsätt…” Någon kom i korridoren, så hon tystande. När denna gått förbi sa hon: ”Be inte om ursäkt för att du är en människa.”

   Jag log svagt mot henne. Det hade varit svårt för mig att berätta det där lilla för henne, men hon hade återigen visat att jag kunde berätta sånna saker för henne. Jag fick en plötslig inlevelse av att jag kunde berätta allt för henne. Kanske… En dag… kunde jag även berätta om vad…

    ”Tack för igår, föresten.”

    ”Va?” Jag såg förvirrat på henne, nyss dragen ur mina tankar.

   ”Tack för igår.” upprepade hon med ett mjukt ansikte. ”Jag behövde höra de där snälla sakerna som du sa.”

   Det värmde att jag hade kunnat hjälpa henne. ”Det var så lite.”

   ”Fast bara så du vet…” lade hon till sen. ”Jag tror inte att du kan komma på några fler sånna här, nattliga besök. Em skulle misstolka det. Jag förstår ju att hela den här du-stöter-på-mig grejen bara är ett skämt, men jag tror inte att han fattar det.”

    Jag kände det som om hjärtat blivit en sten och sjunkit ner i magen. Jag gjorde mitt bästa för att nicka och behålla pokerface, som om jag höll med henne. Men inuti mig kändes allting tungt och kallt, och samtidigt brinnande. Skämt!? Ser du inte att jag menar allvar?

    Visst, jag lägger till en liten ironisk ton ibland till det jag säger, men nog måste hon väl fatta att jag gillar henne? Hon fattar väl att jag menade vad jag sa, när jag sa att hennes ögon var vackra, och hon fattade väl ändå att när jag strök bort hårslingan gjorde jag det för att jag ville röra henne?

   Men nej, det fattade hon tydligen inte. Eller så ville hon bara inte fatta. 


Kommentarer
Anna

Super bra!! :)

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